Sarah Palin and Lucifer: A Love Story
Oh, I love me some redneck booty slappin’.
John McCain is old as fuck and I’ll bet you a dollar to a doughnut (because I’m a fat fuck) that President McCain will croak while in office and we’ll get fucking Sarah Plain and Tall as the president of these United States of Amerika. Don’t underestimate the […]
A Huge Boost For The Ol’ Self Esteem
I don’t consider myself a gargoyle, by any means, but I’m no beauty queen either. I would say I’m average, and my self esteem is quite low when it comes to my looks. Black hair, brown eyes, pale skin, about 170 pounds, lumpy butt, crooked teeth. Completely average, except for… my tits. Glorious 38DDDs. A […]
“…Mildewy cum!”
08/03/08
“…Mildewy cum!”
I glanced at Rhoen with my eye brows raised. While Steve and I walked down the winding maze of Mainstreet we both spotted a group of kids from my last school chilling behind our favorite fast food restaurant; chipotle. Grabbing a bag of chips and a massive chicken burrito (which my boy consumed with […]
Peeping Ted
Alone again on a Friday night. This is the fifth weekend in a row that Ted has been sitting around his crappy apartment with nothing but a porno and a half empty bottle of hand lotion to keep him company. Ever since the divorce he didn’t have much desire to go out. In this small […]
“Mad, bad, and dangerous to know”
I was going to write about the cornbrator, which is a toy I have never had the pleasure to try: I’ve only seen it online.
Then I remembered that someone recently called me a libertine. I returned the compliment with a dark red, lipsticked sneer -or maybe it was a smear. I don’t know and it doesn’t […]
R.G.S.P.
Great people have found noble causes and changed the world. Clara Barton and the Red Cross. Al Gore and whatever the fuck he’s doing for global warming. Bill Gates and AIDS research. I’m grasping at straws here, people. There are others, but hell if I know who they are and what they did. I never […]
Double Hap-Penis
I observed Labor Day with two of my brothers. I would have to say that these two brothers are the craziest. Their brazen disregard for the law and lack of self-awareness always make for an interesting experience.
We were at a Chinese restaurant when the topic of fourteen inch cocks came up. I was biting into […]
What Happened?
What ever happened to the art of making out?
I remember when I was younger, I could make out with a guy for hours. No sex was involved. It never had to lead anywhere. It was just making out. We would just be sitting on the couch. He would look at me and lean in, I […]
True Story…
So one night I was at my favorite Minneapolis hangout, the gay bar. I had quite a few Heinekens (which are the devil, just to let you know), and after I realize that the bouncer who has been flirting with me the last three nights was gay, I’m feeling a little sad.
Then this guy comes […]
Golden Age
One year ago, a man’s fantasy became reality: The Bukkake Files was born. Over 100 posts dedicated to an Asian fetish and other inebriated, semi-coherent rants. We’ve had our ups and downs on silentpillow. I hope we laughed a lot together over the past year. Bukkake, smegma, Antoinette Antonio and Romanian women were the main […]
Razor blades and mouth play
I watched her from where I leaned against the wall. She stood in the back, her thumbs pushed in the front of her skirt on either side of her hips. At first I thought she was high, but then the rest of the guys by me started talking about how she wouldn’t even touch the […]
Beans
Felix climbed onto the bus with the unenthusiastic resolve. His feet dragged up the stairs, and he tiredly swiped his card in the charge box and looked about the bus. It was full, and all the seats had been taken already. He pushed his way through the mass of bodies, and stood towards the center […]